My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
