Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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