U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
