i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
