all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
