are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
