went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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