I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
from now on my penis is your penis
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
