Where is the hickey?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
