I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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