After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Randomize
