Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
