i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
