Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
