just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
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