I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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