I could have mohawked her pubes.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
