I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize