wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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