Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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