He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
