I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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