New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
