yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
