we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
