The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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