dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
