I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
