You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
