The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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