his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
