Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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