he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
