It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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