i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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