I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
