my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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