Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
