At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
