Can Purell be used as lube?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
