I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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