I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
