so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
