you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
