Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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