I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
