jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
