No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
