maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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