your thong is hanging out like whoa
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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