her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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