You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
