I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
