we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
