I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
tell me about the fingering
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