I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
