dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
