So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize