Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
