It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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