my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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