I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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