you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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