I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
