other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
