shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
jump out the window naked night went bad
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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