You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
