I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
