I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm at about main and main street
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Randomize
