and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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