Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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