I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize