its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
