Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
